I think it’s Twitter that has been partially responsible for the lack of recent content  on this blog – it’s so easy and quick, so throwaway, it requires no thought or research and my audience is, depressingly, bigger there. On the plus side, it gives me a nice meta-topic with which I can revive this moribund blog.

Not that I’ve done all that much tweeting either – I’m no Dorothy Parker (more an acquaintance of hers), so bons mots don’t spring to mind regularly; and I have a slight issue with people who use Twitter purely for @replying to their chums. This is a silly reaction on my part, I think – the little conversations Twitter starts have that delightfully exhibitionist feel to them, since you know, the recipient knows, and your followers know that actually, you’re writing to all 92 (in my case) of them.

It’s more of an issue in terms of celebrity-following (even typing that makes me feel icky, not least at the thought that somehow celebs owe me entertainment, on my terms, is ridiculous). Certain slebs, like the sharp and witty @caitlinmoran (who I’ve read since she appeared pubescently in the pages of Melody Maker in the early nineties), only ever seem to chat away to their equally renowned mates, which may have an occasional voyeuristic appeal but mainly means nothing to me while making me jealously wonder why my own friends aren’t famous.

Another moan, while I’m moaning. A combination of @names, #hashtags and links all in one tweet makes you a) a tryhard and b) unreadable. Retweets are the worst offenders. If said abomination is to do with work, then I presume you’re under orders from the boss to make the company all web 2.0tastic and that you’re as resentful as I am about this pollution of the twittersphere. Give it a rest, eh?

As for marketing – well, it’s going to happen, and I’m going to ignore it. I get a perverse sense of satisfaction from blocking new followers who’ve botted their way to my account because I mentioned “exercise” or “hot dog” or “double-ended dildo” in a recent tweet, though at the same time I resent them for not being another genuine follower to up my audience. In fact, I resent Twitter as a whole for being another place where I am obliged to seek attention, with all the accompanying stresses.

But it’s not all bad. The information dissemination aspect of Twitter shouldn’t be underestimated (it shouldn’t be overestimated, either, which slavering techhounds always seem to do – like any form of gossip, it’s an unreliable, repetitive game of chinese whispers) and just occasionally, when Something Is Going On (leadership debates, super-injunctions, The Daily Mail being a great big collective motherfucker) it’s pretty exciting to see who knows what.

The best thing about Twitter, though, is that I have enough bright, funny, insightful friends to brighten up my day dozens of times over with minimal time wasted. Like a teenage hit of amyl nitrite instead of the pot haze or speed rush of bloggery and hott forum action. And, of course, I can, for one brief, beautiful moment, feel that heroes like @kristinhersh or @VictoriaCoren (both of whom have been kind enough to reply to tweets of my own) are my chums, and I can bask in their reflected aceness.

  1. Great blog – My target is to be followed by a famous person. Why? Because I am, deep down, very shallow 😉

  2. In what context did you need to mention exercise, hot-dogs and double ended dildos in the same tweet 0_0 😉

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