Things I’ve discovered while decluttering

I’m going to have my maisonette spruced up before sticking it on the market in a few weeks, and in preparation for the decorator’s arrival, I’ve been getting rid of junk, packing up stuff that’s in the way, moving bits of furniture etc., and have found quite a few surprising things in the process:

  1. I do own sellotape!
  2. I found an envelope of old negatives in my sitting room, where they shouldn’t have been, and when I held them up to the light, I realised that several of the images were of this flat, after I bought it but before I did it up. Spooky.
  3. I own four steamers. I haven’t used a steamer for maybe five years, but if I ever want to, I can. One’s microwave-specific! And two are now in the bin. Shame, but I have to be brutal. Purge away the pain!
  4. There are enough liquor bottles in this flat to fill an entire Morrisons 56 litre plastic packing box (currently on special at £4.99 a pop). I rationalise this by claiming that the reason there are so many liquor bottles is that I don’t really drink very much. Well, not much in terms of spirits, anyway.
  5. I have a LOT of inner tube valve caps. Like dozens. They are turning up everywhere. I think I imagined they had a planet of their own, like Douglas Adams’ biros, but in fact they retire to a small, unassuming corner of West Putney.
  6. In my asbestos-filled boiler cupboard, a bowler hat and a pinstriped velvet blazer! Damn you, “dry clean only”.
  7. I own a tennis racquet! Quite a nice one, a Prince, and it’s very light. It was hiding down the back of the filing cabinet, which made it triply inaccessible as there was stuff on both sides of the filing cabinet, getting in the way. I don’t think I’ve played tennis since Trousers, Steady Mike and the gang (we sound like a bunch of petty thieves from the late ’70s) in Lincoln’s Inn Fields in, what, 2003?
  8. I am going to have to sell at least two bikes. I say at least two; I mean only two, and that’s under duress – internal duress, I hasten to add, and B is so tolerant of my bikes that she’s planning to give them a room of their own. It’s going to have to be the Trek 1200 roadie, and the Holdsworth 531 ’80s tourer(there are a dozen pics to skim through via that link if you’re interested, especially in making me an offer)

p.s. unconnected to the post above, but I have just seen a bright green parakeet land in the branches of the deep red tree immediately outside my window. This is, sadly, an ink polaroid only as it’s buried deep in the boughs, though I am sitting here with my camera just in… ah, it’s flown off. Well, I guess you had to be there. It’s this dude, anyway (not my photo):

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  1. I was just about to be incerdiblt impressed by your spontaneous photographic skills……..
    Steamers – too specific for real value for space in a kitchen.

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