A saucy version of “Jingle Bells”

Was among fancy versions of several Xmas carols I sang with my choir on Saturday night. I was a bit raised-eyebrow about them at first (try singing “Christmas was made for children – children like you and meeee” with a straight, non-cringing face), but I’ve come round to thinking that most carols really don’t try hard enough, and you have to fanny about with them to make them fun. Except Silent Night. Nobody better fuck with Silent Night.

This post comes to you from the slightly surreal world of the glue-headed. The middle bit of a worse-than-usual head cold gives a unique outlook on life, something I imagine to be akin to, say, a great dane’s. I feel slow, dumb and useless* and I’m peering round as if I’ve forgotten my spectacles (not that I wear them, though that does remind me it’s 10 years since my last eye test, and I’ve always rather fancied myself in specs – a few years ago, in anticipation thereof, I even took a series of photos of myself wearing various friends’ glasses. I looked surprisingly decent).

Last night I went to a drinks do for “young agents” (aka agents’ assistants, who actually are young, and a few slightly embarrassed, balder/greyer agents who can physically feel their lifeblood draining away), with a hefty wedge behind the bar courtesy of  our (for want of a better word) union. I was more excited about the free crisps than the free booze, thanks to the sniffles, and it seemed I wasn’t the only one. The turnout was surprisingly low (I know parties in a recession are frowned upon, but this one had a FREE BAR people), but it was still a surprise to discover, when the exodus seemed to be in full effect, that there was still £500 that had to be drunk – no refunds…

I understand they found people to oblige, and there are a few actors’ agents this morning who may find their assistants not quite as perkily enthusiastic as usual. I, on the other hand, went home on the train, clutching the remaining Xmas gifts I’d had delivered to the office which were too big to transport on my bike. So close to being done!! Only two remaining, I think, and I have a reserve idea there which I’ll use if it all gets too much…

In other news, fucking cold, isn’t it?

*I’m not suggesting great danes are useless. They just look it, a bit.

Weekend solipsism

My loo (the room, not the facility) smells of basil. Weird enough in itself; but earlier in the week it smelled of lavender. Now I’m not the cleanest homeowner, but my toilet area is usually little worse that dusty. However, I don’t use air fresheners or exciting bleach – airiness is achieved by leaving the window open (indeed my predecessors had wedged the window open, then painted over the wedges. Initially I saw it as a challenge, but fairly quickly I realised they had a point).

So what on earth is going on outside? Am I piggybacking on someone else’s (overpriced and unnecessarily technological, I’ll wager) freshness solution? Or has someone figured out how to grow basil in December?

Other weekend news: I cycled the long way to New Malden (yes – I CHOSE to go via Mitcham – what of it?), drank mulled wine and ate cheese, then cycled my fixie back up a hill a *proper* cyclist had dared me to attempt (for those who don’t know Copse Hill in Wimbledon, its fearsomeness makes L’Alpe d’Huez look like Putney Bridge, and for those who do know it, shhh). Easy. Honest.

Oh, and I also chose to follow the X factor on Twitter, mainly courtesy of my better half whose tweeting reached near-lethal levels. What a pile of old toss, eh. And it’s rigged. And yet…

Lanterne Rogue

This is the new home for my blog, Lanterne Rouge, which I’ve been running on Tumblr for a while and have revived to an extent lately. As you may notice, the name has had to change slightly – now with added pun! That’s because some bugger who’s deleted their account has taken “lanternerouge” out of WordPress circulation.

I’m knocking out a quick post at work more to keep momentum up, and to encourage myself to learn what WordPress can do, than to include content (not a single gag so far, you’ll have noticed, though that may be a plus). It can take proper comments, for a start, and I believe it tracks visits etc., which for an egocentric stathead like me is the ant’s pants. So please bookmark me, and PLEASE COMMENT! The more comments I get, the more interesting this will be. That’s a promise.